Fatal Wounds

This is a soothie brand pacifier. It has been my oldest daughter's "friend" since she was about 2 weeks old. It was able to "soothe" her in a split second like nothing else. Not even mama. She is about to turn 3 next month and yes, she still used it for owies and night time until two nights ago when the last one, looking much like the one in the above picture, suffered a fatal wound from excessive biting.
The nipple came detached.
It was so sad.
I watched as my almost three year-old tried to repair it, crying, mourning the loss of something so special in her life.
We had been working up to this moment for about 6 months or so after the other one broke off her other special hand-made "ya-ya". We told her if she kept biting her "nuk" (that's what she called it) it too would eventually brake and we weren't going to be buying any more pacifiers for her.
The night before this happened she had declared to us that she no longer wanted it! So weird. Anyway, I said to her that I'd take it off and put it aside and if she still wanted me to throw it away, I would in the morning. She fell asleep that night between us, no pacifier, for the first time since she was 2 weeks old!
Next morning she came running into my room screaming for her nuk. I gave it back to her, figuring she just wasn't quite ready for it.
Then nap time came... when this "accident" occurred.
I asked her what we needed to do with it since it was broken.
She quickly, sadly, responded..."throw it away."
I said, "Do you want Mama to do it or do you want to?"
She said, "I will."
Then she got down out of her bed, crying, and head hung low, and slowly walked over to the garbage can where she laid it in its final resting place. Then she ran back to my arms weeping as though her best friend had just died. I rocked her until she fell asleep singing a little lullaby.
It really was that sad.
Since then, this child has had to relearn how to navigate through life without her pink soothie. Conflict, owies, sleeptime, nervousness...they all have to be dealt with differently. And we have to show incredible compassion and teach her new ways to handle stress.
I wish I had someone there to show me healthy ways to deal with stress.
I told my husband that it felt like she was a baby again, with us having to help her figure out for herself how she was going to choose to deal with situations.
Anyway, that was her babyhood. We said good-bye. Now she has little that identifies her as a baby and more that identifies her as a big girl.
Next it's going to be diapers at naptime.
Then at night.
Then the special blanket only in her room.
I hope we don't ever have to have this conversation about her special blanket. that would be truly too sad. It's full of all her smells.
I don't even want to go there.