This picture is my sweet girl, Montana. Who at this very moment is throwing the most adorable two year old temper tantrum I've witnessed to- date. All over mean mom not letting her go bye-bye or type on the computer, etc., etc., etc.
She wanted to see a picture of herself which is why I put this one up. It's her 2 year-old photo.
So, what does that have to do with the title of my post? Nothing. Isn't that beautiful. Embrace it.
The title of this post is b/c my friend Karla posted a comment on an earlier post that I had to delete. Not because of her comment but because of my post. The post was important to reflect on but divulged too much information about "detalles" surrounding our circumstances for "the internet". Soooooo...Here's take two on Stress, Grumpiness, and General Discontentment.
Stress has been high around here for about a month now. Christian and I were encouraged to listen to last week's This American Life.
It had some interesting things about our life.
The last story in particular seemed to resonate especially close to home.
It was about the emotion-drain some people take on you because of the lives they live and when you try to help them. It's amazing, really, how easy it is to get consumed by things that are bothering you. It becomes almost toxic.
The other day, for example, I was so sad. It was deeper than sad. It was...well...bad.
I sat in the girls room and just cried. I couldn't think about what it was that I was supposed to do next. I couldn't get unstuck from the weeping I was in the midst of.
And I felt very...un-priestly.
What ever my notions were or are about becoming a priest...these last few weeks I haven't felt like I'm cut out for it.
I wanted to throw in the towel. Go lay down and sleep until this all just went away. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone because I'd have to somehow pretend that things are honkey dory due to the fact that no-one knows what to do with people who are depressed. Well, I couldn't pretend. The junk was spilling out and I was crumbling.
Then I talked with Christian about it later and he said he had been feeling the same way at work the night before.
He had posted a request for prayer for us with some friends at the Hippie Christian Bulletin Board.
They did pray. Thank you guys.
Well, the next day was much better...180 degrees better. Internally I felt like a million bucks. Which I haven't felt like in a long time. Must have been the grieving tears I wept the night before. I heard somewhere that that kind of crying cleanses the soul. A "Good Cry," my mom used to say.
Each day we look forward to God's mercies in our lives. Each day we count our blessings. Each day we praise God for the Grace to be alive, have a house, family and great friends.
But, sometimes...evil creeps in under our noses and takes over for a moment.
2 comments:
Good post. I think that like the good times the "bad times" must also be beautiful. I wonder if in those times when we feel alone and depressed if it is really evil. I wonder if we just don't like the form that beauty has taken.
Ah, I too had read the deleted post and wondered where it had gone! What a frustrating situation that sounded like... I just can't imagine what that must feel like! :(
I'm SO glad you're feeling better today... sometimes I have "bad mom" days when I can't believe I think I can "do" this mom & homeschooling thing. But then God usually reminds me that it really isn't *me* doing it, anyway, even on the good days... it's HIM!
Well, nothing too deep here. But I am glad that you're doing better. And I agree that sometimes a good cry does a LOT of good! :) It's kinda a "girl" thing, I think.
Today David was saying he couldn't imagine crying happy tears, but Marissa could understand. Funny when your kids get old enough to talk about stuff like that and "get it"! :)
Love ya!
Amy :)
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